I am the Lord of thy house.

Thou shall have no other pets before me.

Thou shalt not ever ignore me.

I shall ignore thou when I feel like it.

Thou shalt be grateful that I even give thou the time of day.

Remember my food dish and keep it full.

Thou shalt spend most of thy money on toys and gifts for me.

Thou shalt always have thy lap ready for me to curl up in.

Thou shalt shower me with love and attention upon demand.

Above all, thou shalt do anything and everything it takes to keep me happy.