• If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug.
   
• Determine quickly which guests hates cats, or are allergic. Sit on that lap during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath, so much better.
   
• For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs select colors that contrast with your own.
   
• Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
   
• For guests who say they love cats, be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip at the ankles. Don't forget to hiss.
   
• Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about several things. This is particularly important during cold weather or mosquito season.
   
• If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie across the book itself.
   
• For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being moved for the second time, push anything movable off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a time.

For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to dose.
Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is
what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.

• Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night between 2 and 4 a.m.