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- If you have to throw
up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage
this in time, get to an Oriental rug.
- Determine quickly which
guests hates cats, or are allergic. Sit on that lap
during the evening. He won't dare push you off and
will even call you "nice kitty." If you can arrange to
have cat food on your breath, so much better.
- For sitting on laps or
rubbing against trouser legs select colors that
contrast with your own.
- Always accompany guests
to the bathroom. It is not necessary to do anything.
Just sit and stare.
- For guests who say they
love cats, be ready with aloof disdain, claws applied
to stockings or a quick nip at the ankles. Don't
forget to hiss.
- Do not allow closed
doors in any room. To get one open, stand on hind legs
and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for
you, it is not necessary to use it. You can change
your mind. When you have ordered an outside door
opened, stand half in and half out and think about
several things. This is particularly important during
cold weather or mosquito season.
- If one person is busy
and the other is idle, sit with the busy one. For book
readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can
lie across the book itself.
- For people doing
homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After
being moved for the second time, push anything movable
off the table -- pens, pencils, stamps -- one at a
For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend
Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This
what she calls a dropped stitch. She will try to
distract you. Ignore it.
- Get enough sleep during
the daytime so that you are fresh for playing at night
between 2 and 4 a.m.