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to Hamper Your Human
If one of your humans is
engaged in some activity and the other is idle, stay with the
busy one. This is called "helping," otherwise known as
"hampering." Following are the rules for "hampering:"
1) When supervising cooking, sit just behind the left
heel of the cook. You cannot be seen and thereby stand a
better chance of being stepped on and then picked up and
2) For book readers, get in close under the chin,
between eyes and book, unless you can lie across the book
3) For paperwork, lie on the paper in the most
appropriate manner so as to obscure as much of the work as
possible. Or pretend to doze, but occasionally reach out and
slap the pencil or pen.
4) For people paying bills or working on income taxes or
Christmas cards, keep in mind the aim: to hamper! First, sit
on the paper being worked on. When dislodged, watch sadly from
the side of the table. When activity proceeds nicely, roll
around on the papers, scattering them to the best of your
ability. When being removed for the second time, make all four
legs flail around wildly in order to push pens, pencils, and
erasers off the table.
5) When a human is holding the newspaper in front of
him/her, be sure to jump on the back of the paper. Humans love
6) When a human is working at the computer, jump up on
the desk, walk across the keyboard, bat at the mouse pointer
on the screen and then lay in the human's lap across arms if
possible to hamper typing in progress.